Thursday, June 30, 2005

Vacation

Oh, and also, I'm going on vacation now for 9 days...so don't think that I'm neglecting y'all. It's just that, well, I'm going outside the reach of even dial-up connections. So have a good week, everybody, and while you're sitting in the office you can think of me relaxing and swimming and sitting in the sun.

Sigh.

Bets anyone?

Ok, enough is enough. I'm now officially taking bets on when Tom Cruise is going to have his breakdown. And I mean a big, public breakdown....not just an outburst or an Oprah-wrestling, couch-jumping debacle.

Also, maybe it's just me, but I fully expect War of the Worlds to be one of the worst movies...not just of the summer, but ever.

Update: Ok, looking at this video, I'm beginning to wonder if maybe it qualifies. I mean, Tom, you're literaly strongarming your girlfriend out onto national TV. Maybe you should think about where you are right now...how you got there. Take a pill, you know?

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Lite Brite!!

Ok, if I need to tell you anything more than the fact that you can visit this link to do Lite Brite online, you've got problems greater than I can help you with, God help you.

Oh, and thanks Tina.

Friday, June 24, 2005

Hollywood Stock Exchange!

Check it out! (broken link fixed)

Join the Hollywood Stock Exchange and you will be given $2M to play with in buying and selling stock in Hollywood movies and stars. It's pretty fun, although so far it's good that I'm not playing with real money - in one day I've already lost a whopping $35,000. *blush* If you want some buying advice you should refer to Fatty - from what I hear he's printing his own money over there.

My portfolio at this point consists of:

13383 shares of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (CFACT)

1449 shares of the new Dukes Of Hazzard movie (DUKES)

1100 shares of Donald Sutherland (DSUTH)

1000 shares of Keifer Sutherland (KSUTH) - I'm going for the Sutherland duo here

771 shares of Jessica Simpson (JSIMP) - sorry, couldn't resist...besides, I read on the front cover of a magazine at Dominion that she's making a comeback with a smarter image, so we'll see if it pays off or not

15000 shares of Michelle Williams (MWILL) - bought this by mistake, but it's doing well so hey, bonus.

10253 shares of Val Kilmer (VKILM) - I figure all the Val Kilmers around Toronto must be helping his career at least a little bit

and of course...

1000 shares of Natalie Portman (NPORT) - Star Wars did not treat you well...

...but you're just so cute.

Lions Save Girl from Captors

Ok so this isn't exactly a heartwarming story (especially the part where they talk about how 70% of brides in Ethiopia are kidnapped, beaten and raped to make them accept a marriage) and I'm not trying to make light of the obvious trauma that this girl must have endured, because I can't even begin to imagine what she's been through.

That said, how freakin' cool is it that LIONS fought off this poor girl's kidnappers and then guarded her until the authorities arrived? This is one girl who is never again going to lose a game of Two Truths, one Lie.

Bob vs Paul vs Noel

I have to say, I've got no real issue with Bob Geldof calling on Paul Martin to get his act together and come forward with the 0.7% of Canada's national gross income that was originally proposed by Lester B. Pearson to be devoted to aid by 1975. I think that this is probably the most noble cause of celebrity, whether it may seem pompous or not. After all, when was the last time that the Canadian media criticized a celebrity for attacking George Bush Jr over his foreign policy?

My main beef about Live 8 is the absolutely awful lineup that they've put together for the Canadian venue. I mean, really, does anyone out there want to see Our Lady Peace this summer? I'd rather eat glass. I would, however, consider attending if only Mel B would just stop holding out on the Spice Girls reunion.

I mean, what is she doing in California that's so important?

Also, leave it to Noel Gallagher to bring a ray of warm sunshine to the issue:

"Are they hoping that one of these guys from the G8 is on a quick 15 minute break at Gleneagles [in Scotland] and sees Annie Lennox singing 'Sweet Dreams' and thinks, 'F**k me, she might have a point there, you know?' Keane doing 'Somewhere Only We Know' and some Japanese businessman going, 'Aw, look at him... we should really f**king drop that debt, you know.' It's not going to happen, is it?"

Can't you feel the love of Oasis, warming you deep down in the cockles of your heart?

Thursday, June 23, 2005

"Wait, you want me to switch to a less gay phone company?"

From Fatty:

Ok this is awesome. Apparently there is a group that is cold-calling people trying to get them to switch away from the major phone networks. Why you ask? To make money for their own phone company? No that would be too easily explained. They're trying to get people to switch away from the major phone networks because they apparently ALL support immoral causes like gay marriage and hardcore child pornography (as opposed to the perfectly acceptable softcore variety).

The guy who recorded the calls actually does some pretty good standup too...you can download it at the same site. If you dig a bit deeper you can also find a strange picture of a young child who sings your favourite songs from the 80's, or, say, Debaser.

By the way Fatty, if you keep sending me good stuff I'm going to have to stop crediting you or people will realize that I'm only good at stealing ideas from my friends.

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Enough already.

I don't know about all of you, maybe I'm alone on this one. I feel like a traitor because I'm so pleased to see them doing so well and I wish them no ill, but for crap's sake...

STOP PLAYING THE ARCADE FIRE AND BROKEN SOCIAL SCENE ON THE CBC!!

For real, yo. I LOVE both of these bands. I think they're brilliant. They can bring tears to my eyes and make me scream out loud. But when you play them five times a day on the CBC and point out to us each time how we should start paying attention to them (even though it's the billionth time you've told us so) you make us very unhappy. There is a lot of good Canadian indie music out there...grow a spine and play something that we haven't heard 200 times in the last week.

Note: I know, I know - "indie" is such a dead term now, it's been subverted like "alternative" was in the 90s, but I don't have another good word to use at this point.

Also: As I'm writing this, I'm listening to Jian Ghomeshi (check out his site, it's vaguely hilarious how many pictures of himself he has available, and also that he has bought both www.jian.ca AND www.jianghomeshi.com to point to the same site). To his credit, he's using Sounds Like Canada to play a decent selection of interesting Canadian music. Bravo Jian. That said, guess what the second band that he played was?

"In common sense, it is difficult to consider that wearing a cabbage leaf will affect pitches"

Korean Baseball authorities have banned Park Myung-Hwan (who is ranked as the second-best pitcher in the Korean National Baseball League) from stuffing his baseball cap with cold cabbage leaves. The league was so embarrassed when cabbage leaves fell out of Park's hat on national TV that they met in special session to weigh in on the issue. To solve the problem, they simply added cold cabbage leaves to the list of "foreign substances" that are banned from the field.

Ok, this is a stretch, I know, I'm basically copying the text of the linked article...I mean, I even heard this on the radio this morning. That said, I really need to get the kitten off the top of the list before I cause trouble in my friends' relationships.

Bear with me, people.

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

Kittens are cute...when they don't have two faces.

Ugh. Thanks for this, Fatty.

I feel so bad saying this because, as you all know, I'm a total suck for kittens and candy floss and such...but this kitten is one scary looking little beast.

"Yarr...I'm a kitten, I'm cute, for real...pay no attention to my, er, second face."

For real though, I wish this little guy luck in surviving his (ugh) mouth surgery...oh, barf.

Sorry little kitty. Don't let the world get you down...there's just more of you to love now. More face, anyway.

Caterpillar Dancing

From Sarah...and I suppose that if you're going to be a stickler for nomenclature, it's actually John Deere Dancing.

I wonder how many collisions they had while filming this - how much skill must it take to perform a synchronized dance with a 70-foot industrial excavation tractor? I mean, they're not exactly trained ballerinas, but when you consider the degree of fine motor control that is provided in these rigs, you realize that these guys are basically operating at a Jedi-ninja level.

Friday, June 17, 2005

Nothing much to say today

I've no witticisms or clever finds to share with you today.

What I do have, for those of you with an interest in such things, are pictures of our kittens in a camera bag.



If you're counting, there are six of them in there.



And of course, the watchful and alert Momma cat, not missing a thing:



And for those of you who don't want to see pictures of our kittens in a camera bag, well what can I say. You have no soul.

Thursday, June 16, 2005

Yet another technological landmark.

For all those who are sick and tired of coming up with their own witty euphemisms, this one's for you. It's definitely a hit and miss process, but reload a few times and you'll be pulling up gems like:

Halfway through the project, Frank looked like he'd been blowing the badger.

or

Well, I know what I'll be doing this weekend - retrieving the invisible peach!

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Daily Dancer

From Sarah, who was right - this IS my new favourite website:

I'm not even going to try to give some sort of witty commentary on the Daily Dancer, just check him out - he speaks for himself. In fact, he speaks volumes for himself.

I bow to you, oh master of the dance.

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

Baliens, Twobeans

So Sarah's got this story about Baliens that I won't relate here because it's her story and it's from before my time, but it got me to thinking: You can find just about anything on the internet. Surely there must be other Baliens out there somewhere.

It was this reasoning that led me to Twobeans. He's got an image in his "PITCHURZ" section (shudder) of two women, the one on the right apparently being someone called Balien.

I was going to keep moving on the Balien track from here - after all, a Google image search for Balien yields a few great finds - but for some reason I happened to scroll forward a few pictures in Twobeans' "PITCHURZ."

That's when I came across this little gem:

and I knew that I'd struck gold.

Take a look around - of special interest are the self portraits. Twobeans is not one of those guys who comes up with a fantastic idea like "I would look GREAT with a third eye!" or "What would I look like if I was in the Blue Man Group?" or "A cigar and a PVC pipe would make me look so badass!" and then lets the idea slide. No, he follows up on that idea, no matter how loud the "nays" are being said from the sidelines.

Rock on, Twobeans.

Monday, June 13, 2005

Rollerskating! Dance-offs! Soul!

I totally stole this from Dave, he found it first, but it's so good that I'm stealing it and putting it up here too. That said, if you aren't excited about this movie:

then you have no place in my paradise.

Also, I totally got to touch the Batmobile in the Eaton Centre last Friday.

It's definitely the Hummer of Batmobiles, not nearly as cool as if they'd brought in the original '66 Lincoln Futura from the days of crimefighting-punster TV Batman...but I still got to touch the Batmobile.

And if you're searching for that last-minute Flag Day present for me, I would love you forever if you bought me a Wheelsurf.

Island Fun

For all those who are wondering: Yes, Toronto Island is just about the best thing to do in this fine city when the thermometer hits 30C. We left on the ferry on just about the grossest, stickiest day you can imagine, travelled a remarkably short distance across the harbour and landed in a little island paradise.

For real, I know that sounds cheesy, but when you can pay $6 to have a boat take you, in 20 minutes, no less, from pavement and exhaust and sticky humidity to a grassy, windy park with bike trails and a haunted lighthouse and a nude beach full of strange naked men...well, how can I be overly enthusiastic?

Sarah and Rajo even got a picture with one particularly enthusiastic naked man, but he made us promise not to put it up on the internet so sadly I can't show it to you here.

Oh, and I got to play frizbee with a Boston Terrier for a few hours, and lemme tell ya, I love those weird little dogs.

Friday, June 10, 2005

I hear that they've got a great union...



I don't know, but I'm guessing that it starts with "1-900"...

Also, if this doesn't make you laugh out loud, then you're a better person than I.

Thursday, June 09, 2005

"We understand the perceived eccentricity of developing a system for humans to interact with poultry remotely, but..."

Researchers have developed a system that straps little jackets like this onto chicken:

and then anyone who wants to pet the chicken remotely, (cue booming voice) FROM ANYWHERE OVER THE INTERNET can do so WITHOUT GETTING PECKED using a little blow-up chicken doll, like this:

Wow, technology is fabulous. Let THIS fly in the face of anyone who says that life was better in the good ol' days, when you had to go to a farm and get poop on your shoes if you wanted to pet a chicken.

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

And to think that I worry about carrying fireworks across the border...

Is this for real? This came from Tanya in my email this morning, and I'm having trouble believing it.

This freaky looking dude:

is apparently being for questioned for murder. This part of the story is easy to believe...I mean, how could that be the face of someone who is NOT a psychopathic killer? That's pretty much the first thought that popped into my head when I saw that picture, "Wow, who's the psycho?"

The crazy part of the story is that this guy apparently crossed the border into the states the day before carrying a virtual armoury, including "a homemade sword, a hatchet, a knife, brass knuckles and a chain saw stained with what appeared to be blood."

And the best part? After being fingerprinted and having these weapons confiscated, this freak of nature was allowed to continue on his merry way because he was not currently wanted on any charges.

You know, somehow I doubt that we're talking about this sort of homemade sword:

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

Not to be one that posts pictures of random cute animals on the internet in the hopes that you will come and go "awwww, so cute!", but:


Awwww......so cute!

Monday, June 06, 2005

Clarification, a Limerick

Update: It has been pointed out to me that I failed to explain WHY Belinda Stronach crossing the floor meant that I got to go to Sarah's cottage for the long weekend. So, in an effort to explain futher, here's a poorly written limerick.

Now there's this fine lady named Sarah,
Who works in the guv-ern-ment-ah.
An election will mean
A sleepless month (how obscene!)
But without one, we'll go to Muskoka.

Thursday, June 02, 2005

Why did nobody stop this man?

This is the most painful thing I have ever had to watch. This is real people - this man was PAID to do this job.

Return of the Kittens!

Ok, so my faith in humanity has been bumped back up a few notches. After the great disappearing kitten debacle, I was feeling downright un-neighbourly towards the people on my street. Turns out though that momma cat is just a bit confused.

Seems there is a house across the way where she decided she would have more luck with the kittens, so she moved them there in the middle of the night. Unfortunately though, that particular house was also home to a dog that was let out during the day, so it became impossible for her to get back to her kittens...thus the crying momma cat. After the gents downstairs followed her across the street and discovered the new hidey-hole, they brought the kittens home and are now considering bringing them inside.

It's nice to know that we don't have a kitten-thief neighbour, anyway.

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

Britney Spears Hot Naked

I've always wanted to try this to see if it works...let's see if I can bump my traffic by a few notches.

Start....now!

Legit++;

Well, it appears that I've reached a new level of legitimacy...I'm in Google!!

Go ahead, check it out: search for "Pezi Detective" and the first hit is this blog.

I'm so happy, I could just die.

Me Motorbike

Lauent expressed some interest in knowing what sort of motorcycle I got, so here you go:



It's a 1983 Honda VF750f. This was the first year this bike was offered so it's considered to be a bit of a milestone bike. It's basically the grandfather of Honda's current flagship sport-tourer, the VFR 800.

I don't have a lot of experience to say much about it comparatively, but it's super fun and wicked fast. And a bit louder than I'd expected.

Freakin' Evil Jerk

That's right - Freakin' Evil Jerk. What else would you call someone who STEALS KITTENS? Yesterday morning I got word that the downstairs neighbours came out to check on the kittens that they've been taking care of, and all they found was a freaked-out mother cat, wondering where her kittens were.

I don't care what their intentions were...it was totally obvious that they were being taken care of, and they weren't old enough to be away from their mother. Those are going to be some unhealthy, sad kittens and it's all the fault of the fucknut who took them away.

Hey Jerk who stole our kittens away from their mother in the middle of the night: What are you going to do for an encore, crucify the Easter Bunny on our front lawn?