Friday, May 27, 2005

I Ran Over My Dog in My Pickup at the Trainstation Comin' Back From My Mother's Funeral After I Got Out of Jail, In the Rain

Ok, I'm cringing at the idea of passing anyone on to a page that is hosted under the directory "funnies"...but some of these are so good that I couldn't resist.

Thursday, May 26, 2005

Seriously? You heartless bitch.

a man died
dead
a man
Tony
also a Tiger
died
dead
you heartless bitch

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

I got my motorcycle!

Nah nah nah...got my motorcycle.

Woot!

I'm really not going to write much; I would much rather just go out and ride right now.

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

Punshine Boy!

In writing this I am risking mixing my two online careers of writer and model, but one must take such risks once in a while. That said, I will now point you over to the lovely PunGents. They've gone against their normally excellent taste in models in making me this week's Punshine Boy, so take a gander.

And on a slightly more disturbing, shocking and hilarious note, I have just found out that my colourblind, fourth-grade teacher Mr M was arrested on the weekend for shooting a man in the ass. You know, with a gun. Turns out that the guy had been innocently running out of the house with his pants down after having been caught humping Mr M's wife. This is why people owning guns in their houses is BAD.

Don't get me wrong. You are definitely playing with fire when you are humping your neighbour's wife in his house...but in the grand scheme of things this was not worth getting shot over. Perhaps the bullet wound in his ass will be an effective permanent reminder of that fact.

Friday, May 20, 2005

It's a Trap!

And the award for the most creative overuse of CSS goes to It's a Trap!. Check it out - copy it, paste it, vavoom! A bagillion traps!

Also, the award for the Star Trek song that gets the most firmly lodged in your head goes to The Picard Song.

Draw a Pig, Request a Song!

Ok, I've just got to pass on these two links. They're two of the most fun things that I've found lately.

The first is a personality test that is based on - that's right - drawing a pig. My pig is perhaps the ugliest pig in the site, but I have never pretended to hold cartooning skills of any discernable merit.

The other came from sissyballhockey who runs a great little journal that inspired me to start my own. Apparently a friend of hers is lucky enough to not have to work in the summer, so he writes songs on demand. My personal favourites are Lisa ("Why don't you care about yourself!?") and O, a song made up of words containing the letter "o" (nobody ever said HOW MANY words).

So Much Goodness!

Wow, what a week! Between the vote going against the election, the upcoming long weekend and plans of moving in with me lady to a Victorian house in the Annex, it's a hella exciting time. Add that to the fact that I take delivery of a motorcycle (finally!) sometime before next Tuesday and I'm spending most of my time today just hoping that I'm not going to wake up from a good dream.

This calls for some Sonic Youth.

*dance dance dance*

Thursday, May 19, 2005

Mail Order Bliss

Woot! My Dungen CD just showed up in the mail!

I don't think that there's anything better than having a package show up at the door, especially if it's something that I forgot that I had coming. There's something immensely satisfying about signing off with the Expresspost guy and having him hand over that sealed box, so full of promise and wonder.

Also, I HATE when my housemates get parcels because I get all excited and then I can't even open the package. They both work during the day, so the package just sits there all day, unopened, laughing at my distress.

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

Go Belinda! Go-go Belinda!

I can't believe it. I've been resigned to the inevitability of an election for weeks now and at the last minute I get a ray of hope! And from who?

That's right. The unlikely Belinda Stronach. She's following her father's footsteps and crossing to the Liberal party, which might mean that the Liberals will have enough votes to maintain a minority government. And you know what that means?

I might get to go to the cottage this weekend.

That's right - I'm that much of a selfish bastard that I'm more excited about the fact that I get to go to a cottage this weekend than I am about the prospect of a government that could bring a serious shift to the left in Canadian politics. I'm sure that after the weekend I'll be back in good old politically conscious mode, but right now (and especially with the weather report right now) I just want to swim and drink beer at the lake.

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

Slackin'

Ok so I've been slacking, I know - 6 days is too long to leave my adoring audience waiting (my statmeter now shows that I now have a staggering TWO people reading my blog).

I broke down yesterday and finally got a new mountain bike (I would put up a picture but I lost my camera cable so I'm blind to the Web for a few days). It was actually a sweet deal 'cause it was a 2004 20" frame that the bike shop had been having trouble unloading, so the price was chopped waaaay down. It's like when I'm shoe shopping and the desperate salespeople have cut a pair of size 14 shoes down to, like, $1.28 because I'm a freak and nobobdy else in the city has size 14 feet. It also makes up for when I go into Aldo and they tell me that they don't stock shoes for "my kind" (oh, the prejudice that I suffer).

Also, if any of the one other people who read this are interested in going to see British Sea Power tonight, you should come to Toronto because Tina is threatening to ditch me with a ticket for - sigh - yoga. I am crushed.

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

Amazing gRace

I just have to get this out:

I'm sooooo happy that Uchenna and Joyce Agu won the Amazing Race. So happy. I have to admit, I kinda hated Uchenna at first for his boisterous over-eagerness, but I really came over to their camp when they suddenly became the underdogs.

Don't get me wrong - I loved Amber and Rob. They're great, especially when you compare them to Ron and Kelly (what an awful couple). But it was lovely - so lovely! - to see Uchenna and Joyce come up from last place, begging for money in the airport (and in the parking lot ten feet away from the finish line!) with nothing but the clothes on their backs, not even being allowed to explain to people why they were begging for money...and winning the race! Unbelievable!

Also, I'm SO going to be in front of the TV for Amber's and Rob's wedding next month. Hilarious.

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

Anniversary

Many warm thanks to Tina for this early anniversary card that she sent me today:

I feel like I have a few things to clear up though:
  • My nose is waaay bigger than that in real life
  • That's not a W.W.J.D. t-shirt. I would never wear a W.W.J.D. t-shirt. That, ladies and gentlemen, is a one-piece W.W.J.D. Lycra bodysuit.
  • My feet are not actually webbed, sadly. If they were I wouldn't walk at all - I would just swim all the time.

Also, I'm jinxing myself putting this up - my anniversary with Sarah isn't until the end of the month, so let's hope that I can keep it together until then so that this card doesn't take on a bitter context.

Oh, and yes I know that the card is too big for this page, but it's waay too pretty to shrink it down any more than I already did.

T-Minus 10 Days

10 days 'til i get my motorcycle! Woot!

It's a 1982 Honda V45 Sabre, much like this one:

...only mine's all black.

Update: No, I never got this bike, I got a different one instead. Long story, but the new one in more fun anyway.

Monday, May 09, 2005

Death Penalty for Bike Thieves

No, seriously. I know they're just punks who want a few bucks to buy some stolen kicks outta the back of a van, or they're desperate junkies who are getting $25 to steal my $600 bike. But seriously, this needs to stop, and I think that the Chair is just the deterrent that is called for. I mean, really...you're stealing from the poor (who can't afford cars), the environmentally conscious (who don't want to pollute with engines) and the active, who are just trying to get a bit of extra exercise.

I have lost 4 bikes in the last three years.

Four bikes. Three years. Total cost of lost bikes (plus locks that were cut off): $2600.

Two in Kingston, two here, and all four were locked up. The latest was only a few weeks ago, right off my front porch. I thought that the $150 lock that I was using would be tough enough to keep anything secure, but they snipped it in half like it was made of wet spaghetti. Then I was sure that I could get it replaced (the lock came with a bike replacement guarantee) but it turns out that I didn't fill out the paperwork correctly to register the bike.

Several heated conversations later, Master graciously agreed to replace the lock that was cut, but no new bike. What can I say...you take what you can get, right? This lock comes with the same guarantee, and let me tell you, I am going to go over the fine print with a microscope to make sure that my new bike will be insured against the next theft (which, according to schedule, should be about 5 months from now).

But in the meantime, I'll be running on a one-issue independent platform, come next election:

"Vote Mike 2005: Death Penalty for Bike Thieves!"

Thursday, May 05, 2005

Gellin' like a Felon

Once upon a time, I thought little of the French idea of having a group of intellectuals who decided what words could be added to the Petit Robert Dictionary by vote. I thought this was a rather snotty way to determine what was "proper" language and what would be excluded. I was glad that the leading dictionary of my native language, the Oxford, uses a more populist method of determining what is "English" by ensuring that anything that occurs in a certain number of published sources could make it into the official lexicon. "Power to the people!" was my cry.

Alas, today I've had all of that changed by a single entry in the Urban Dictionary.

"Ain't" I can handle, but it makes my skin crawl to think that "Gellin' like a Felon" could one day be considered to be valid English. Even the Winona Ryder reference isn't enough to make me want to forgive this atrocity.

Leg Stolen by Irony

Ok, my friend Tina passed me this little tidbit after I told her about the shooting that happened around the corner this morning. It's not really at all related, except that both stories involve injury and hospitals, as well as a bit of freakiness.

This poor mechanic lost his leg in a freak accident while working on a Cadillac. This would be weird enough on its own, but the car was in the shop...(cue freaky-deaky music)...BEING OUTFITTED FOR A MAN WITH ONE LEG!!

Which leads me to believe that if there is a God, he's got a hella wicked sense of humour.

Livin' in the Ghetto...

Actually I don't live in a Ghetto at all, I just live on the edge of a sketchy neighbourhood. Sketchy enough that last night, there was a double shooting right around the corner at the oh-so-classy House Of Lancaster II (it's the "II" that really adds to the class of the place - nothing like a strip club with a sequel).

The freaky-deakiest part of the whole thing is that when I was walking to return some videos this morning ("Homicide" season 3, but that's not the freaky part) I walked by a taxi cab that had been abandoned in the middle of the street (just off College) that was cordoned off by police tape, and a forensics team was going over the taxi. It was just like CSI, but they weren't wearing $3000 Italian suits. Sadly, nothing happened in CGI, extreme closeup, slow-mo detail while I was walking by.

Monday, May 02, 2005

First Comment!

Hey hey...I got a comment! Woot! That means that I'm, like, 20 times more legit that I was before!

Also, the fact that it was left by Stephen, who knows kung-fu and lives in a place where the roadkill is big enough to eat you, means that you'd better not mess with the Pezi Detective - he's got powerful friends.

Kittens!

So down under my house, we have a pretty dilapidated looking, covered set of stairs that leads down to our unused, scary basement.
Downstairs
Well, unused until last week that is. Turns out that a momma cat has decided that out little covered staircase would be the perfect place to raise kittens! I can't show you the kittens in much detail, she's pretty protective right now, hissing and screaming when you get too close:
Momma Cat
...but take my word for it that they're just about the cutest things that you've ever seen. They've still got their eyes closed, so it's like watching 6 fuzzy little sausages blindly bumping around in a cardboard box.

I just hope that the neighbourhood raccoons aren't thinking the same thing.