Monday, July 25, 2005

Erm, so let me get this straight...

I have finally got around to calling and changing the mailing address that I have on file with my credit card company, mobile phone, etc (and yes, Sarah, that includes the Saturday Globe). So here I am calling my credit card issuer and everything is going hunky-dory thus far. Then comes the question:

"Mr Stringer, now that I've changed your address I'm going to transfer you to one of our promotions workers so that he can tell you about an absolutely wonderful service that you aren't yet taking advantage of!"

I didn't even have time to protest before I was put on hold, where I sat for no less that three minutes. Realizing that I was done everything that I wanted to do already and that I was basically sitting on hold so that a telemarketer could pick up the other end of the line, I should have hung up, I know. But something deep down inside me made me stay on the line. Some primal, optimistic instinct kept telling me to wait, just a little bit longer, because maybe it really will be an absolutely wonderful offer that could make my life happier in a Swiffer-esque manner.

Needless to say, when "Ray" finally picked up the phone, I had built this up, it was going to be something big, I could feel it. So when he started explaining the Customer Registration Service to me, let's just say that the word "dissappointment" doesn't come close to what I was feeling.

Here's how the Customer Registration Service works. First, you hunt around the house and your property for everything that you can find of value to you and your family. Examples he gave were passports, stereos, cars and other credit cards. Anything with a traceable number. Then, for only $24/year, I can take all of this important information and give it over the phone to Ray, who would stick it in my file for handy-dandy reporting of theft if anything was ever stolen.

Does anyone else have alarm bells going off in their heads right now as loudly as I do? Why would I want to give all my existing personal information to my credit card company (who already know waaaaay too much about my life as it is) so that they can stick it in a computer somewhere, all on one easy-to-access place? Do they really believe that I think that this would be a safe and logical thing to do?

Maybe next my bank will offer a new service where, for only $10/month they will write my PIN on the front of my bank card, paint it neon green so that you couldn't possibly miss it and then leave it sitting on the street at the corner of Spadina and College. For an extra $2/month they could leave a note attached to it detailing how to use a bank machine, just in case it's accidentally picked up by a time traveller from the 70s. They can call it the Multi-Customer Secure Access Service or something.

3 Comments:

Anonymous DeeDee said...

I will write your PIN number on your bank card for only EIGHT dollars! That is a savings of TWO DOLLARS. Act now and I'll also write it on your front lawn with gasoline. It will light up the night! Turn on your heart light!

5:22 PM  
Blogger Anthony Maragna said...

Mike,

How dare you - I say again, how dare you, insult your benevolent credit card concern like that. Don't you know they care about you? You, on the other hand, have nothing but contempt for them.

How dare you.

6:54 PM  
Blogger Mike said...

Update:

I've just been emailed by the same credit card company outlined above and offered Pet Insurance Services.

Pet Insurance. As in, for my pet. from my credit card company.

Also, how did they get my email address?

2:54 PM  

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